Trich-y Business: A Trichotillomania Blog

Trich-y Business Blog Revamp

2010-11-30T18:52:00.000-05:00

I've given Trich-y Business a bit of a makeover to make it look a little more unique and whimsical with the help of a free Blogger template from Yummy Lolly. I'm no designer, web or otherwise, but I think I like it. Let me know what you think!

Trichotillomania and... Mel Gibson?

2010-11-18T21:57:00.001-05:00

Trichotillomania got a little bit of bad press this week through an association with that big ball of crazy, Mel Gibson. In the saga of Jew-hating-in-need-of-anger-management Mel Gibson vs. ex-girlfriend-and-mother-of-his-baby Oksana Grigorieva, her latest accusation is that some bruises and scratches around her face and eyes came from a fight with Mel. Well, Mr. Gibson has fired back that her scratches came from the "emotionally unstable" Oksana's trichotillomania:

(Click on the image to read the TMZ article.)

Not that I would ever defend Mel Gibson, but he's not saying Oksana is unstable BECAUSE she has trichotillomania. The association is there, yes, but I don't think his intent to make fun of trichsters. I just don't want to be guilty of hyping this up to be something more than it really was.

PS: If you read the article, don't read the comments unless you feel like getting angry. I've discovered this is generally true about most pages on the internet that allow comments.

Topical Advice

2010-08-19T23:31:00.001-04:00

I've had a bit of a setback lately, and I have a pretty sizable bald spot on my left eyelid. That part of my eyelid is sort of itchy and raw, and that eye gets irritated easily lately since there's fewer eyelashes to protect it from bacteria and dirt.

So I'm seeking topical advice. What topical medications have you used on your eyelids or in your eyes to soothe the irritation that follows a pulling spree? I've tried Vaseline, and it feels nice while I rub it on the eyelid, but the relief doesn't seem to last very long. And my eye itself is still dry and irritated.

So what have you used that you have found to work? Eye drops? Ointments? Other methods of relief? There's nothing we can do to make the eyelashes grow back faster, but I'm hoping I can find something to at least ameliorate some of the negative aftereffects.

A Benefit of Trichotillomania

2010-07-23T16:01:00.010-04:00

Sometimes we get lost in the negatives of hair pulling—the anxiety, the physical effects, the stigma of having a "disorder." But today I discovered a benefit that has come out of my years with trichotillomania.

I'm SO good with a tweezers. Like, for serious.

My friend and coworker came over to me this afternoon and said, "Do you have nails?"

"Do I have nails?" I repeated stupidly.

"Yeah, I have a splinter and my nails aren't long enough to pull it out," she explained.

Aha! thought I. I can do better than that! "It'd be better to use a tweezers," I responded triumphantly, "which I also have!"

She shut her eyes, muttering, "I can't look." In a single tweeze, I pulled out the splinter and saved the day. "That didn't even hurt!" she exclaimed.

"I'm good with a tweezers," I replied smugly. "You don't even KNOW."

Although she probably did know, because she knows about my hair pulling, but that's beside the point.

There aren't too many occasions where I can say this, but.... Trichotillomania to the rescue!!

Image sources:

Trichotillomania Twittering

2010-03-07T16:53:00.003-05:00

I've decided to join the Twitter revolution. I've created a Twitter account for Trich-y Business, where I will post thoughts I'm having about trich. Of course, I will still post here, as 140 characters can be a bit limited for a verbose character such as myself. My username is eyelashpuller, and my name is Lashes Trichster.

Also, as I notice that people often ask me questions in comments to my posts, I've created a Gmail address, eyelashpuller@gmail.com. Please keep in mind that I'm not a doctor, psychologist, etc., but please feel free to contact me there.

Connect the Trich Dots

2010-02-26T14:03:00.001-05:00

I just played a depressing game of connect-the-dots with my eyeliner. There was more connect than dots.

Trichotillomania Humor

2010-01-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

Cause you gotta laugh at yourself, right? Or at least at me.

Which character in Gone With the Wind had trichotillomania?
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Scarlett No'Hair-a!!!!

Isn't that so awful and corny it makes you wanna hit me?

I haven't posted in awhile. I actually got pretty busy at my job (imagine that) and haven't had time to think of a good trich post lately.

I've been playing around with medication lately. I don't recommend it. Originally I was taking Prozac, but that didn't seem to be helping at all. Over a year ago I switched to Cymbalta. First I took 30mg a day. Then my doctor increased me to 60mg. Then she increased me to 120mg, which I was not very happy about. That's the highest dosage that's considered "safe," although Cymbalta is new enough that there's not even a generic yet, so really they don't know anything about long-term effects. I decided on my own to go back to 60, because I didn't really notice a difference between 120 and 60, and I figured I may as well have as little unnecessary medication in my body as possible. I was doing really well for awhile, but of course there's no way to know if improvement is from the medication or just from adjusting my habits. Maybe both.

But today I had a major relapse, pulling from areas on my eyelids where I don't even usually pull, so I'm feeling pretty down on myself today. As trichsters know, there's nothing quite like the ashamed and angry feeling after a major pulling spree and the helplessness that comes from knowing there's nothing you can do to bring those eyelashes back except wait and wait and try not to pull anymore.

Sigh A Trichotillomania Relapse

2009-10-07T11:05:00.008-04:00

I've been so good lately. My mother even commented on how nice my eyelashes look. I guess a relapse had to come sooner or later.

I've been doing editing work at my desk rather than on the computer today, so that's the culprit. When I'm on the computer, my hands are engaged, typing, using the mouse, so I'm less likely to pull. Since I'm staring down at my desk editing today, my hands are bored and so start pulling automatically. I've pulled at least 15 hairs in the last hour. Then I started doing my typical Internet research: looking for articles on eyelash follicles (what the colors mean), eyelash mites, and the relationship between trichotillomania and endorphins. I just find it fascinating, as I know other trichsters do, and I think it makes me feel more in control to learn about the specifics of my inner demons.

Does anyone else feel bad for their eyelash mites? I feel like I viciously evict them each time I pull out an eyelash. They're my poor, unsuspecting tenants, and I'm the evil landlord.

Image source:
http://cheezburger.com/View/3899505152

Trichotillomania and Latisse

2009-09-28T08:58:00.008-04:00

In hearing so much about Latisse, the treatment to make eyelashes grow thicker and longer, it's only natural that the trichotillomania community was thrilled about the possibility but still anxious about its effectiveness in relation to trichotillomania. I've been waiting to see if some other trichsters would be the guinea pigs and try it first, so we could all see the results.

I'm a member of the Daily Strength, Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group and get a daily email with members' forum postings and journal entries. Today in that email was finally a guinea pig! And with positive results! Now, of course that doesn't mean you should all rush to buy it, but it's encouraging to see that it's worked for at least one of our fellow trichsters:

Successful results at 14 weeks with Latisse

(FYI, the photos she is talking about are on her profile page. Click on Photos.)

Image source:
http://dermatologyconsultants.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Latisse_logo.jpg

Having Serious Body Issues Today

2009-02-23T09:53:00.003-05:00

Part of my trichotillomania is an obsession with having everything look and feel "right." The poor tiny eyelashes and eyebrows that are just trying to grow back in again are subject to my wrath, because they don't feel "right." You can see how this turns into a vicious cycle.

Like many trichsters, this compulsion for everything to feel right is not limited to hair. Many people with trichotillomania are also skin-pickers. I am one of them. I'm not as bad as some, who constantly make themselves bleed, but I'll pick at skin that has any sort of irregularity: pimples, scabs, dry skin, even just little bumps on my skin that aren't any of the above. Additionally, if I break or chip a nail, I have to stop everything and fix it, or I can't concentrate on what I was doing before. Today's been a bad day for epidermis issues. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating at work because of them. I need a Pop-tart.

That Trichy Feeling

2009-02-09T09:30:00.010-05:00

I'm sure my fellow trichsters know what it feels like just before you pull. I was about to type that it likely feels similar for most people with trichotillomania, but upon reflection, I'm betting that it varies. I imagine, for example, that it feels different for a scalp puller than it does for an eyelash puller like me. What does it feel like for you?

Mine starts with a textbook description of trichotillomania, in the way that people who don't have it try to describe it. The way that psychiatrists describe it is with a tension that is relieved through the act of pulling. At the most basic level, this is true. But this isn't a very detailed examination into the physical nature of the tension and relief.

For me, the pulling urge often starts with a slight tingling sensation on the edge of my eyelids where my eyelashes grow. If I try to delay the pulling, I experience symptoms of general anxiety, including slight shaking, shortness of breath, and a feeling in the pit of my stomach, the kind you get when you're really nervous or stressed out.

If I give in and pull, the tension only eases for a moment, while I'm pulling. I lose one hair. The feeling returns, and I pull again. I lose another hair. The cycle of anxiety-relief-anxiety continues until my self-loathing overpowers the pulling urge and I angrily grab a jar of Vaseline and try to soothe my screaming eyelids.

Check out this quote. If you replace the word "obedience" with "pulling," is this not an apt description of the physical struggle we trichsters face?

As I grew older, I learned to delay my obedience, but each moment cost me dear — in breathlessness, nausea, dizziness, and other complaints. I could never hold out for long. Even a few minutes were a desperate struggle. (Gail Carson Levine, Ella Enchanted)

If you've never read Ella Enchanted, I emphatically recommend you read it. It's classified as a children's book, but it's one of my favorite books. It's a humorous twist on the Cinderella story written in 1998. The premise is that a young girl named Ella had a curse placed on her at birth which forces her to be obedient. Whenever anyone gives her a command, she must follow it. The above quote is the physical reaction in her body when she tries to ignore a command. The story follows her as she tries to break the curse.

Although I never connected this book with trichotillomania when I read it before, I can see now why it resonates so powerfully with me. This book is about a struggle for freedom from a personal barrier that holds Ella back from being the woman she wants to be. The same struggle that we live with each day.

My Eyelashes: A Coloring Book

2009-01-29T13:38:00.007-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm putting eyeliner on to cover my patchy, sparse eyelashes, I feel like a kid with a coloring book. I'm coloring in the lines. Or playing connect-the-dots. Or doing a fill-in-the-blanks worksheet.

Post-holiday pulling

2009-01-02T09:24:00.003-05:00

The holidays have come and gone since my last post, and coming back to work today has given me a new Trichy topic to discuss. I've been good without even trying throughout the entire holiday. I haven't had the urge to pull, either eyelashes or eyebrows (not in a pulling spree situation, anyway) throughout my vacation; in fact, I hadn't thought about my trichotillomania once until my friends commented on New Year's Eve how great my eyelashes look. Yet I've been at work barely a half hour when I immediately start compulsively pulling my eyebrows.

I've discussed on this blog before that reading, typing, editing, any task in which my mind is active but my body is sedentary triggers my trichotillomania, and I'm sure that's why I've started again. What surprised me was the immediacy of the change in my behavior. It's as though my trichotillomania was on a holiday schedule along with the rest of the world, and now it's back to business as usual.

Birthdays and Pullfreeathons

2008-10-27T09:23:00.004-04:00

Today is a very special day. It commemorates two anniversaries. The first is the day of my birth. I have been on this Earth for 22 years today. The other anniversary (the more relevant one to this blog) is that today is 10 days since the day I began my "pullfreeathon." This is a term used on the UK site, Trichotillomania Online (on my Trich-ed Out Links list, right sidebar) to indicate a pledge that trichsters can take to NOT pull. It's not a competition against anyone else, only against yourself and your compulsion to pull. You post on the forum to tell people that you are beginning a pullfreeathon, and the other members of the forum come out to support you!

I've found it very helpful. It helps me combat the urge to pull because I know other people (who understand what I'm going through) are cheering me on and keeping me honest. I also feel I have more of a duty to myself because I have a specific reason not to pull. Not just because I know it's not good for me, but because I want to increase the number of days that I can say I've been pull-free. I recommend pullfreeathons to all fellow trichsters.

Know Thyself - Trichotillomania and the Bible

2008-10-16T12:01:00.002-04:00

I'm not much into Biblical allusions, but I am into pithy aphorisms that give great advice. "Know Thyself" is excellent advice for trichsters. You have to be self-aware and recognize your triggers for pullling.

For me, I know that when I lean my elbows on a desk, table, or any flat surface that I'm using to read or work, my hand is at just the right position to reach my eyelashes. And that's a bad thing. So I try to read with my arms stretched out, leaning back. Just to be safe, I put something small in both hands to try to distract them from the compulsion to pull. Because I know myself. If I prevent myself from starting, it's much easier to continue than if I try to stop in the middle of a pulling spree.

Do you know thyself?

Trichotillomania/Hair Pulling Quotes and Quotations

2008-10-09T19:11:00.011-04:00

(Sort of)

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.
Irish Proverb

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Bible, Matthew x. 30.

You do not lament the loss of hair of one who has been beheaded.
Joseph Stalin

I love getting ready to do a scene, and thinking about it, and talking about it. But the rest of the time, I'm so nervous and obsessed. I'm just tearing my hair out in the trailer. The whole time I'm really tense.
Casey Affleck

Prejudice is like a hair across your cheek. You can't see it, you can't find it with your fingers, but you keep brushing at it because the feel of it is irritating.
Marian Anderson

I wish I had more hair on my head. Maybe if I sprinkled fertilizer on it, it would grow.
Kylie Bax

I'm the artist formally known as Beck. I have a genius wig. When I put that wig on, then the true genius emerges. I don't have enough hair to be a genius. I think you have to have hair going everywhere.
Beck

In mainstream romantic comedies, I'm usually tearing my hair out. It's just a devastatingly difficult genre for me.
Carter Burwell

It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

I guess if I wrote a book one day, it would be about hair.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

A hair divides what is false and true.
Omar Khayyam

Let the devil catch you but by a single hair, and you are his forever.
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Sources:

http://www.quotationspage.com/
http://www.brainyquote.com/

Trichotillomania Awareness Week

2008-10-08T22:08:00.005-04:00

Did you know that this past week (10/1 - 10/8) was Trich Awareness Week? I didn't find out until today. Here is some information about it.

Trichotillomania: Body and Mind Disparity

2008-10-08T15:14:00.006-04:00

Whether you have trichotillomania or not, I'm sure that every person has, at one time or another, experienced a time when your body and mind did not cooperate with each other. When your mind was telling (or shouting at, or pleading with) your body to do something, or to stop doing something, and your body refused to listen.

That's what trich is all about. Intellectually, you know that you shouldn't pull your hair out. You can think of many, many reasons why you shouldn't. For me, I'm shouting at myself in my own head WHILE I'm pulling. STOP! Don't pull another eyelash! But my fingers won't stop. I have to physically restrain myself to end the pulling. Because mentally restraining myself so often just isn't enough.

We think that, as humans, we are superior to animals because we have intelligent minds and rational thinking. We pride ourselves on our self-control, our ability to deny what our bodies crave. Maybe our bodies are more powerful than we realize.

Another Trichotillomania JOKE!

2008-10-07T15:48:00.006-04:00

What do you call a boy scout with trichotillomania?

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A BALD EAGLE!!!!!

See my other equally-bad JOKE!

If you can't laugh at yourself...

Trich Journaling

2008-10-03T09:14:00.005-04:00

Random jumble of thoughts
I was really bad with eyelashes just now. I just pulled out like 10 from the same spot unintentionally. I was trying to pull with the tweezers, enough to get the endorphins but not enough to actually pull them out. Needless to say, I failed miserably. Now I feel even worse. I have a giant bald patch on my left eyelid now. I’m even more anxious because I can’t put them back. I feel like I want to take an extra Cymbalta but I know I shouldn’t mess with that stuff. Should I hide it with eyeliner or punish myself by just looking bald?

JG8D69D

The Girl With Trichotillomania

2008-08-08T13:13:00.008-04:00

This is not mine, it's something I found searching on Google:

Trichotillomania Advice: KEEP YOUR HANDS BUSY

2008-08-06T10:26:00.004-04:00

If you are like me, then your unconscious tendency to begin pulling comes from extra tension and energy trapped in your body. For me, it's worst when I'm concentrating hard with my mind. My mental energy is being expended, which leaves me with unused physical energy that often manifests itself in pulling out my hair.

Take charge of that excess energy. This is my biggest tip. Keep your hands busy doing something other than pulling out your hair. Preferably keep them far away from whatever area you may be tempted to pull. Since I pull out my eyelashes, I keep my hands busy by twirling my hair around and around my fingers. Doing so doesn't give me a chance to start pulling because my hands are so busy doing something else. Obviously, this is probably not the best idea if you're a scalp puller.

I also found an interesting and positive website with a lot of information about trichotillomania. They're trying to get you to enter their program (not for free, of course), but the site is beneficial, I think, even if you just read the info: The BrightLife Center for the Rapid Relief of Trichotillomania.

You are not a victim. It may feel like trichotillomania is controlling your life, pushing you into an unescapable corner. I often feel like that. But you must remember that while suffering from trich is not a choice, taking steps towards relief is.

Personal Evidence of my Trichotillomania

2008-08-02T17:37:00.009-04:00

This is me. It's somewhat hard to tell the damage, because I'm wearing eyeliner, but you can see the big bald patch on my lower lid where there's no eyelashes. And you can see how sparse they are, not full like they should be.

Trichotillomania: Cycles of Destruction

2008-07-22T11:42:00.011-04:00

I've been away from the blog sites for awhile, but I have excuses. I graduated from college in May, then I was job searching. I have a new job now as an editorial assistant, and my life has been in a bit of a whirlwind.

With work comes stress and, unfortunately, sometimes boredom. As an assistant, I don't always have that much to do, and when I'm bored, I pull. Part of editing also involves reading and concentrating. When I read, I pull. So I've been pretty bad lately. I have some bald patches, particularly on my right eyelids, because I started pulling and got into a cycle of destruction.

Pull one eyelash ↓
↑     Irritate the skin ↓
↑         Pull more eyelashes because it itches ↓
↑             Itching worsens ↓
←←←←←←←←←←←

Life, just like pulling, goes in cycles. Cause and effect. Every element of the cycle affects another, and more often than not, brings us back to the beginning.

Just my profound thought for the day.

Unfortunate realization about Trichotillomania

2008-04-16T20:09:00.005-04:00

I've come to an unfortunate realization. I guess in a way I knew it all along, but now that I'm trying to deny myself the "pleasure" of pulling out my eyelashes, I've come to realize that in my convoluted brain, it really is a pleasure pulling out my eyelashes. It feels good. I don't know why it feels good, and it seems counterintuitive for something bad for your body to feel good at the same time. I guess it's the same principle as eating foods that are good for your tastebuds but bad for your arteries.

Evolution hasn't quite worked out all the kinks.

Happy (belated) anniversary to me!

2008-04-08T23:31:00.006-04:00

Tuesday was my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend, so I thought I would dedicate a post to how he has dealt with me and my trich.

He's similar to my friends in calling attention to my pulling if I'm doing it in front of him. Sometimes he'll take my hands and do something lovey-dovey with them, but sometimes that makes me mad.

When I start to complain to him about pulling out too many eyelashes, he'll remind me of ways I can do something about it, like putting Vaseline on my eyelashes or playing with a hair band.

Mostly he doesn't interfere too much with my struggles with it; he's just there to support me in whatever I need him to do. Really, that's all I need to know.

Reactions to Trichotillomania

2008-04-07T18:49:00.009-04:00

Haven't posted in a few days. Just a quick update about my own trich: I've been doing pretty well. I haven't pulled out any eyelashes for a few days, although I have been tweezing my eyebrows. I don't consider pulling eyebrows as bad for you as eyelashes, though.

The main thought of this post, though, is how people in my life have reacted to me having trich. A friend with trich suggested this idea for a post.

Most of my friends have been supportive. The most common reaction I get when I say I have trichotillomania is, huh? When I explain what it is, most people are initially fascinated. They have never heard of the disorder, and are fascinated that such a thing exists. After a moment, though, most people remember someone they know who has no eyebrows or who pulls out his/her eyelashes or hair.

Some of my closer friends who know about it yell at me or hit me when they see my hand moving toward my face because they know it's so often unconscious for me. Sometimes I thank them for it, and sometimes I get angry. Maybe it's because I'm embarrassed at being caught. I know they are trying to help me.

The person in my life with the reaction most upsetting to me is my mother. She doesn't nag me or yell at me about it, but she sometimes talks to me about how sad it makes her that I pull out my eyelashes. That makes me feel worse than if she would nag me or tell me I'm ugly without eyelashes (okay, that would hurt, too). She constantly urges me to see a psychologist, saying that I can't just pull out my eyelashes my whole life. I tell her that obviously I don't want to do it, but some people DO have it on and off their whole lives. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to stop pulling or at least reduce it. Sometimes disappointment and sadness hurts worse than shock or disgust.

Have people had similar experiences? Completely different ones? I'm interested to hear your stories!

Trichotillomania Suggestion, seemingly obvious

2008-04-02T02:07:00.005-04:00

I've found the simplest act sometimes works to stop or at least delay pulling. Especially if you're in the middle of a pulling spree.

My suggestion, obvious as it may seem, is to change something about your environment. When I'm pulling eyelashes, sometimes I have to get up and take my contact lenses out. Maybe sit up if you are lying down. File your nails. Put on a ring. Change your hairstyle. Put on hand lotion. Take a shower.

Pulling is all about the repetition, the monotony. Break the pattern and take control by changing something that you have control over.

ABC News story on Trichotillomania

2008-03-29T21:16:00.007-04:00

Trichotillomania a True Medical Mystery

News story about some people who were interviewed about having trich. Nice that it's getting some press.

Pulling Piles: The Unsightly Reminders of Trichotillomania

2008-03-28T20:31:00.008-04:00

What do you do with the hair once it's no longer attached to your scalp/eyelid/brow/[insert body part here]?

I put it in piles. Sometimes the pile goes on my desk, and I see a nest of tiny, spiky, black lashes in front of my computer. Sometimes I let them fall into the binding of the book I'm reading, for me to find later. When I pull in front of a mirror, I put the sticky end of the eyebrows/eyelashes onto the wall or door, a vertical pulling pile.

I have certain spots where I always pull. Trichsters are nothing if not creatures of habit. I make giant piles of lashes and eyebrows, the remnants of multiple pulling instances. The piles are like memories of me, evidence that I have been there. Maybe it would be better for my health if I just scrawled, "LASHES WAS HERE" in big letters.

Part of my trich is an obsession with everything being "right." In that way, I do see the resemblance with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I pull new, tiny hairs because they feel stubbly and like they don't belong there. I feel the tiny hair, either with my fingertips or because my eyelid itches, and I really really really want to pull it out. It doesn't "feel right." It doesn't belong. In my mind.

The piles are part of that obsession with feeling right and looking right. It's hard to explain. I want everything in its place, in the right place. It doesn't "look right" for a random eyelash here, an eyebrow there. The forlorn, fallen follicles (I love alliteration) need to stay together.

This is my attempted rationalization. I tried to explain some of my internal reasonings to a psychologist once. In reference to one particular rationalization, I said, "I guess that one makes a little more sense." His insensitive, abrupt response?

"Well, none of it makes sense to me."

That was the last time I went to see him.

I guess I understand now what he was trying to do - show me that, for all my rationalizing, trichotillomania isn't something rational, isn't something I should make excuses for, isn't "normal" behavior. In fact, it's destructive behavior. We have hair for a reason.

But he could have been a little more sensitive.

AAGHH (Or, a bad day for my Trichotillomania)

2008-03-26T22:52:00.006-04:00

Today was really frustrating. I was having a really busy day, doing a LOT of reading and concentrating. Reading and concentrating are my BIGGEST pulling times. I had really intense urges to pull, and I did pull a lot. It's such an automatic behavior. I'm holding a pen in one hand; I have my other hand at my eye. I tried to resist the urge, but IT'S SO HARD. I tried bouncing my legs to do a different kind of repetitive motion, but it didn't help.

It's like my hand has a mind of its own. I look at my hairless eyelids in the mirror, and I just feel a sinking disappointment in myself. I know it's not my "fault," but it's not like there's a rope attached to my fingers tugging them to (what's left of) my eyelashes.

Sometimes it feels so hard.

Trichotillomania Joke!

2008-03-26T00:49:00.004-04:00

Don't judge. I came up with this myself.

What do you call someone who takes a hair-puller out to dinner on Halloween?

A TRICH-ER-TREAT-ER!!!!!!!

I'm so brilliant.

Trichotillomania Confession: I've been bad

2008-03-25T18:28:00.009-04:00

(I love Futurama).
I've been bad for awhile. My left upper eyelid is basically bald right now. I have to wear eyeliner all the time so that people don't notice that I have no eyelashes on my left eye and few on my right eye. It's amazing the amount of time trichsters spend trying to cover up our hair loss.

Sometimes, when I've pulled out a bunch of eyelashes, my eyelids get really irritated and dry, and it makes me feel like I need to pull out more. It helps sometimes to put Vaseline on my eyelids and eyelashes. Then it doesn't feel the same, and helps soothe the physical urge to pull.

Also, since I've put up this blog, I found out that a friend from middle/high school also has trich. One of those small world things. So many people have it, and so few actually talk about it.

Self-discovery about my Trichotillomania

2008-03-25T00:01:00.007-04:00

I think that one of the most important ways to deal with having trich (or any kind of disorder) is to be aware of the ways it affects you. I made a discovery about my trichy tendencies today.

I was doing some reading (one of my biggest pulling triggers) on the couch in my apartment. I was eating Cheez-its out of the box in a very repetitive way. Hand goes in the box, hand goes to my mouth. Lather, rinse, repeat. When I had finished off the box, I realized that I hadn't pulled any hairs out since starting to eat the crackers. Maybe the cheesy goodness was distracting me, but I think that part of why snacking appeared to replace pulling was because of the repetitive nature of it.

Pulling out eyelashes, for me, is a repetitive action. I pull, look at the hair, rub it between my fingers, flick it away. Pull, look, rub, flick. Over and over. Sometimes, like when I'm snacking, I replace that behavior of my hands with something else. I think this might be a key in replacing my pulling compulsion with something else. Maybe not eating constantly, because that's not much healthier than pulling out eyelashes.

If you can recognize when you pull and, just as importantly, when you DON'T pull, I think that is one of the first steps to changing your behavior. If any other trichsters read this blog, when do you pull? When don't you?

Trichotillomania Cartoon, link

2008-03-23T01:59:00.007-04:00

Never seen a cartoon image of hair pulling before. This comes from a helpful, easy-to-understand website on Trichy called Trich 101. I've linked the image back to it.

My name is lashes, and I have trichotillomania

2008-03-23T01:15:00.003-04:00

(Hi, lashes)

Here's the obligatory, easily-understood definition for interested parties who don't necessarily know what Trichotillomania is:

Trichotillomania (I prefer Trich or Trichy) is a strong, often uncontrollable urge to pull out your own hair. That's the only factor common to every person "diagnosed" with it" Even in the diagnosis, every person varies. Often, the "disorder" is self-diagnosed. Sometimes a medical doctor does it. Sometimes a psychologist. The symptoms vary. I pull out eyelashes, eyebrows, and all short, what I consider out of place hairs. Some pull out scalp hair. Some use fingers, some use tweezers. Some just pull the hair, some rub it between their fingers, some eat it (that one's called trichophagia). The causes also vary. For some, it starts in childhood. Others, in adolescence. Pulling can occur when we are anxious, concentrating, looking in a mirror, or just plain bored.

Like I said, I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. Sometimes little hairs on my stomach or on one of those gross moles/"beauty" marks that grows hair. I go back and forth between using tweezers and using my thumb and middle finger.

I'm starting this blog for a couple of reasons. First, I want to share my own experiences so I and you are not alone. I also hope that just by paying attention to myself and chronicling my actions, I can become more aware of when I pull and eventually decrease the compulsion. Finally, and most importantly, I want to start a discussion based on experience and suggestion that can help all of us trichsters find solutions together! Yay for boundless idealism!

So, feel free to post. Please post! I like pretending that I'm popular. Your posts will enhance the fantasy. Post responses, suggestions, rants, whatever will help either you or someone else deal with trichy a little better.

A couple small steps for trich, one giant leap for trichster-kind.