Trichotillomania: Cycles of Destruction

I've been away from the blog sites for awhile, but I have excuses. I graduated from college in May, then I was job searching. I have a new job now as an editorial assistant, and my life has been in a bit of a whirlwind.

With work comes stress and, unfortunately, sometimes boredom. As an assistant, I don't always have that much to do, and when I'm bored, I pull. Part of editing also involves reading and concentrating. When I read, I pull. So I've been pretty bad lately. I have some bald patches, particularly on my right eyelids, because I started pulling and got into a cycle of destruction.

Pull one eyelash ↓ ↑     Irritate the skin ↓ ↑         Pull more eyelashes because it itches ↓ ↑             Itching worsens ↓ ←←←←←←←←←←←

Life, just like pulling, goes in cycles. Cause and effect. Every element of the cycle affects another, and more often than not, brings us back to the beginning.

Just my profound thought for the day.

Unfortunate realization about Trichotillomania

I've come to an unfortunate realization. I guess in a way I knew it all along, but now that I'm trying to deny myself the "pleasure" of pulling out my eyelashes, I've come to realize that in my convoluted brain, it really is a pleasure pulling out my eyelashes. It feels good. I don't know why it feels good, and it seems counterintuitive for something bad for your body to feel good at the same time. I guess it's the same principle as eating foods that are good for your tastebuds but bad for your arteries.

Evolution hasn't quite worked out all the kinks.

Happy (belated) anniversary to me!

Tuesday was my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend, so I thought I would dedicate a post to how he has dealt with me and my trich.

He's similar to my friends in calling attention to my pulling if I'm doing it in front of him. Sometimes he'll take my hands and do something lovey-dovey with them, but sometimes that makes me mad.

When I start to complain to him about pulling out too many eyelashes, he'll remind me of ways I can do something about it, like putting Vaseline on my eyelashes or playing with a hair band.

Mostly he doesn't interfere too much with my struggles with it; he's just there to support me in whatever I need him to do. Really, that's all I need to know.

Reactions to Trichotillomania

Haven't posted in a few days. Just a quick update about my own trich: I've been doing pretty well. I haven't pulled out any eyelashes for a few days, although I have been tweezing my eyebrows. I don't consider pulling eyebrows as bad for you as eyelashes, though.

The main thought of this post, though, is how people in my life have reacted to me having trich. A friend with trich suggested this idea for a post.

Most of my friends have been supportive. The most common reaction I get when I say I have trichotillomania is, huh? When I explain what it is, most people are initially fascinated. They have never heard of the disorder, and are fascinated that such a thing exists. After a moment, though, most people remember someone they know who has no eyebrows or who pulls out his/her eyelashes or hair.

Some of my closer friends who know about it yell at me or hit me when they see my hand moving toward my face because they know it's so often unconscious for me. Sometimes I thank them for it, and sometimes I get angry. Maybe it's because I'm embarrassed at being caught. I know they are trying to help me.

The person in my life with the reaction most upsetting to me is my mother. She doesn't nag me or yell at me about it, but she sometimes talks to me about how sad it makes her that I pull out my eyelashes. That makes me feel worse than if she would nag me or tell me I'm ugly without eyelashes (okay, that would hurt, too). She constantly urges me to see a psychologist, saying that I can't just pull out my eyelashes my whole life. I tell her that obviously I don't want to do it, but some people DO have it on and off their whole lives. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to stop pulling or at least reduce it. Sometimes disappointment and sadness hurts worse than shock or disgust.

Have people had similar experiences? Completely different ones? I'm interested to hear your stories!

Trichotillomania Suggestion, seemingly obvious

I've found the simplest act sometimes works to stop or at least delay pulling. Especially if you're in the middle of a pulling spree.

My suggestion, obvious as it may seem, is to change something about your environment. When I'm pulling eyelashes, sometimes I have to get up and take my contact lenses out. Maybe sit up if you are lying down. File your nails. Put on a ring. Change your hairstyle. Put on hand lotion. Take a shower.


Pulling is all about the repetition, the monotony. Break the pattern and take control by changing something that you have control over.

ABC News story on Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania a True Medical Mystery

News story about some people who were interviewed about having trich. Nice that it's getting some press.

Pulling Piles: The Unsightly Reminders of Trichotillomania

What do you do with the hair once it's no longer attached to your scalp/eyelid/brow/[insert body part here]?

I put it in piles. Sometimes the pile goes on my desk, and I see a nest of tiny, spiky, black lashes in front of my computer. Sometimes I let them fall into the binding of the book I'm reading, for me to find later. When I pull in front of a mirror, I put the sticky end of the eyebrows/eyelashes onto the wall or door, a vertical pulling pile.

I have certain spots where I always pull. Trichsters are nothing if not creatures of habit. I make giant piles of lashes and eyebrows, the remnants of multiple pulling instances. The piles are like memories of me, evidence that I have been there. Maybe it would be better for my health if I just scrawled, "LASHES WAS HERE" in big letters.

Part of my trich is an obsession with everything being "right." In that way, I do see the resemblance with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I pull new, tiny hairs because they feel stubbly and like they don't belong there. I feel the tiny hair, either with my fingertips or because my eyelid itches, and I really really really want to pull it out. It doesn't "feel right." It doesn't belong. In my mind.

The piles are part of that obsession with feeling right and looking right. It's hard to explain. I want everything in its place, in the right place. It doesn't "look right" for a random eyelash here, an eyebrow there. The forlorn, fallen follicles (I love alliteration) need to stay together.


This is my attempted rationalization. I tried to explain some of my internal reasonings to a psychologist once. In reference to one particular rationalization, I said, "I guess that one makes a little more sense." His insensitive, abrupt response?

"Well, none of it makes sense to me."

That was the last time I went to see him.

I guess I understand now what he was trying to do - show me that, for all my rationalizing, trichotillomania isn't something rational, isn't something I should make excuses for, isn't "normal" behavior. In fact, it's destructive behavior. We have hair for a reason.

But he could have been a little more sensitive.

AAGHH (Or, a bad day for my Trichotillomania)

Today was really frustrating. I was having a really busy day, doing a LOT of reading and concentrating. Reading and concentrating are my BIGGEST pulling times. I had really intense urges to pull, and I did pull a lot. It's such an automatic behavior. I'm holding a pen in one hand; I have my other hand at my eye. I tried to resist the urge, but IT'S SO HARD. I tried bouncing my legs to do a different kind of repetitive motion, but it didn't help.

It's like my hand has a mind of its own. I look at my hairless eyelids in the mirror, and I just feel a sinking disappointment in myself. I know it's not my "fault," but it's not like there's a rope attached to my fingers tugging them to (what's left of) my eyelashes.

Sometimes it feels so hard.

Trichotillomania Joke!

Don't judge. I came up with this myself.

What do you call someone who takes a hair-puller out to dinner on Halloween?



A TRICH-ER-TREAT-ER!!!!!!!



I'm so brilliant.

Trichotillomania Confession: I've been bad

(I love Futurama).
I've been bad for awhile. My left upper eyelid is basically bald right now. I have to wear eyeliner all the time so that people don't notice that I have no eyelashes on my left eye and few on my right eye. It's amazing the amount of time trichsters spend trying to cover up our hair loss.

Sometimes, when I've pulled out a bunch of eyelashes, my eyelids get really irritated and dry, and it makes me feel like I need to pull out more. It helps sometimes to put Vaseline on my eyelids and eyelashes. Then it doesn't feel the same, and helps soothe the physical urge to pull.

Also, since I've put up this blog, I found out that a friend from middle/high school also has trich. One of those small world things. So many people have it, and so few actually talk about it.